Screaming Flashback


So I got beat up today....by my own dog. I was laying there on the bed reading when out of nowhere, he jumped up and whacked me in the face. Literally, his head smashed right into my cheek, I swear it made the loudest clunk noise. I of course fell backward and I thought that he'd suffer from a concussion or something. But of course, he was fine, still wagging his tail and panting like a spaz. Of course I was a huge spaz as well, screaming in pain. Dude, it really hurt, it felt like someone dropped a bowling ball on my face. To top it all off, it had to start swelling, that was a load of fun!

Well, the madre comes running up the stairs telling me to calm down cause she said I sounded like someone was trying to murder me. Ok, a bit of exaggeration, I did scream in pain but it wasn't like I was screaming bloody murder for the past 5 minutes. Whatever, it's their job to blow things out of proportion. She then tells me about an incident that happened when I was like about 5 or 6. Apparently we had still lived in the apartment that was upstairs and one afternoon I had been crying & screaming about something but I eventually stopped after a while. Like 30 minutes later, cops show up at the door and my mom goes to answer it, I peek and my mom thought it would be funny to tell me in chinese that the cops were here to get me because I was bad. Why do asian parents like to threaten children saying that police will take them away if they're bad? I will never understand that. Well of course I believe her and start crying, the cops are freaked of course. They ask my mom if they can come in and check me out, so my mom is weirded out and calls my dad home too. In the end, apparently our psychotic neighbor downstairs called the police and told them that my mother murdered me! She said that she had heard crying & then it suddenly stopped, so obviously my mother had chopped me up into pieces. Luckily they see that I'm alive and fine and leave. I think later my parents found out that the neighbor had recently been dumped by her husband and was going mental.

I can't believe that I don't remember this incident whatsoever. Of course she felt the need to remind me to warn me that if I kept up my supposed screaming, our neighbor Betty would call the cops on us too! Way to turn any incident into a moral-telling story.