Going against

These last few months have been rough and definitely breaking me down and apart. In all honesty, I'm shocked and disgusted at myself for not being stronger. I'm not going to go into details because I don't feel like talking about it, and I like to use my blog for random happy/funny things. It's supposed to be the fun thing that I can go back and look at when I need a boost.

The point is that when you've hit a certain point, it's hard seeing the good things that do go on in your life. You also start viewing things differently, even out of your nature. What's worse is that you know you have control over what you do, yet on some level, you've lost that control. Sounds kooky, I know. You can choose whether to "be" in the same manner that you're feeling, or you can try and be better. It's easier to just go with the flow, heck, how much worse could it be?

Anyways, I was running a whole bunch of errands yesterday. I went to Petsmart to pick up a lot of things for Cinnamon. I got him cans of dessert things, grooming supplies, giant boxes of treats, and 2 bags of dog food. I was at the cashier and she decided to only bag half of the items, leaving all the big items unbagged. There was no way that I'd be able to carry all of that on my own without the handles. I politely asked her if I could have some more bags for the rest. She stares at me, rolls her eyes, and gives me the obnoxious sigh. First of all, I asked nicely and I didn't even ask her to bag it, I would've done it myself. She proceeds to only bag the box, still leaving me the 2 dog food bags. That would've been great, if I had brought my extra 3 & 4th hand with me that day. I politely ask her yet again, if I could have bags for all the items since I wouldn't be able to carry everything. Once again, giving me attitude as if I was asking her to wipe crap off of my shoes or something! Unbelievable - with the way I've been feeling, I was ready to let rumble but I told myself I wanted to be the better person.

Barnes and Nobles was next on my list. I was still annoyed over the bagging incident. I got myself the new Cinnamon Dolce Latte from Starbucks, and it was pretty tasty. I figured it'd make me feel better. As I was walking out, an older man who needed a cane was trying to get in. I tried to make it to his set of doors but he had already propped it a bit open. It's hard trying to hold the door for people when they've already started to (you know what I mean?) - so I had no choice but to let him get in himself. He just looked so pissed off at everything and gave me this dirty look and was mouthing at me as I waited for him to come in. Sort of like this look of, "Why are you in my way when you didn't even get the door for me?" Trust me, I was not in his way by any means. I thought to myself, "Be the change Stacey." I zoomed back to the first set of doors and held them and waited for him. He had the biggest shocked look on his face as he walked in and he mumbled a thank you as he passed me, and I swear that I saw a smile cracking as he went by.

In its small way, that actually made my day. He was probably so used to being angry at the world and with the way he treats people, I'm sure they don't treat him much better in return. Not that I'm being naive and saying that what I did for him will make him change, but I hope it let him see a glimmer of niceness out there. After being around someone that mad at the world, it was a huge slap that I do not ever want to become like that.